Tuesday, April 21, 2015

A Flip, a Flop, a Snort, With a Few Words Exchanged and I don't Know What to Think?

Chelsea lived in an orphanage for nine years. It is all she knew. . When she was in China she slept three to a bed. Three kids one single size bed. OK I get that she is having trouble sleeping at night because she is not used to having an entire bed to herself. At first she would fall asleep but get up in the middle of the night and go sleep with Chase. Then she and Sophie would sleep together. She even slept with Nolan one night. Let’s just say that a teenage boy waking up to his sister next to him was not well received. Bedtime starts at our house around 8:00 – 8:30. Beginning tonight it starts at 4:30.

First we have to get her into the bath. These takes about 30 minutes and includes at least one forced game of hide and seek. Then we have to get her out of the bath that takes another 30 minutes plus the 20 in the tub actually scrubbing. Now she needs to get her pajamas on, brush her hair and teeth. OMG, the teeth take 10 minutes by alone. We are now a full 90 minutes into the process, and it is not like the sounders full 90. This is not fun and exciting, it is frustrating and exhausting.

OK now it is bedtime and she cannot sleep alone so of course while we have been playing hide and seek filling and raining tubs and wincing at the approach to “sugar bugs” the rest of the kids are say “why do we have to go to bed? Why does she have to sleep with me? I don’t want to sleep with her!!

OK FINE! Tonight Chelsea can sleep with Michael and Myriam. Chelsea is quite excited at this news and actually shaves about 11 seconds off her nightly routine. OK, time for bed. Everyone to their own and Good night!

OK so here is what I do not get? As I said Chelsea slept three to a bed for basically 9 years. There could not have been much room; I saw the bed where she slept. Three across would be like rolling hotdogs over on a grille, one moves they all move. You would think that after 9 years she would have this down like a military fighter pilot making a routine maneuver, with his wingman (or woman) 6 inches off her wing.

She is more like a fish out of water. She flips this way, she flops that way, she sleeps alongside, she sleeps at a 45 degree angle, and she sleeps at a 90 degree angle she was even sleeping at 180 degrees. This is when she began talking in Chinese while asleep. Seriously I thought a Tom Clancy novel had come to life in my bedroom and China was on the move. She does a spider imitation with limbs going everywhere. What happened to the precision tuck roll she had to have mastered in China? Even the dogs are standing around thinking “Dude we need video of this, this is nuts.” At 3:00 in the morning I bailed out of the bed after taking a slap to the head with her hand, followed by a foot in the ear not two minutes later.

NOW I know why the kids were saying “I don’t want to sleep with her.” They could have added it’s dangerous.

We are going to have to figure this out before the dogs send us into “America’s funniest Masters.”

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